i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I looked at my own cervix.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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