she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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