Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
