3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
We had sex on a dog bed..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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