im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's always time for handjobs
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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