Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
