i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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