I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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