Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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