i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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