We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
