I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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