you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Drunk is a universal language darling
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