Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
