I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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