i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
