he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
