3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
