My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Holy shit dude........stairs
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