respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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