your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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