That's intense
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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