She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
