Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
