i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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