My friends, they love my intelligence
Your dad touched me again.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
