Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
