oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
