Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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