As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
