So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
