what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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