did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
