nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
