I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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