It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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