Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
