Yo dont text me then not text me
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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