my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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