If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
