Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
