If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
