I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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