You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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