where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
