I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
