how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
