The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
More tranny stories later!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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