Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
