i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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