You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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