Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize