I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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