Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
