New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
