My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
