My nipple is on Facebook.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
