I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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