If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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