whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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