He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
