im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You are the jesus of drinking
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
