btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
