we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
