I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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