Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
