I'm jealous of your bromance
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
