absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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