Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
