Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
