She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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