In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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