Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
