I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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