Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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