Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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