remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
