The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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