I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There r osticjed everywhere
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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