if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
