I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
