And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
