She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
