How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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