what if every blade of grass was a penis?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
