I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
