I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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