That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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