this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he fucked my hip out of place.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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