I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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