Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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