Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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